Watching a half-naked woman writhing around on a table full of spaghetti, I asked myself: could the news get any weirder? In case you hadn’t heard, Emily Ratajkowski thrust herself into the internet spotlight for her recent carb-tastic display, apparently under the impression she was flying the flag for feminists everywhere. I watched the bizarre scene slightly open-mouthed and two thoughts presented themselves in quick succession: ‘a stomach that toned has never been stuffed with pasta’ and ‘how does this promote feminism?’ Eventually, I got round to looking at Emily’s face, after lusting over the calorific feast she was sat on, only to discover that I vaguely recognised her.

I’ll address my first thought before we move on to Emily’s claim to fame. Not once did I see her chew or swallow a single strand of that spaghetti. She occasionally sucked it into her mouth in a suggestive manner, but that was clearly as far as she was willing to go on her ‘carb overload day.’ Whatever your opinions are on this woman, we must all agree that she has phenomenal willpower. There was at least one extra-large bag of pasta on that table and she didn’t even eat one tiny piece! Mid-way through the video, I was struck by another horror. She spilt her wine, and it looked to me to be a non-accidental spill at that. For someone so liberal about getting her kit off and making a tit of herself, she’s uptight when it comes to her diet.

Without going too far off on a tangent by analysing a model’s eating habits (what did I expect? I’m just judging her by my own willpower, which would’ve seen me gorging on that gigantic bag of pasta), I will get back to the main point: feminism. So where did I recognise this self-proclaimed feminist from? The Blurred Lines video, of course! I say this with a little shame, I sang my heart out to that song; the rapping about smacking asses and much, much worse. Open-minded Emily pranced around Robin Thicke in her nude underwear and platform trainers while her mate pretended to play the banjo (not a euphemism). Why they all had to be completely naked from the waist up is still a mystery, especially as one unfortunate soul was holding on to a lamb at the time. I would like to add here that I did re-watch the video to recall this information, although how all these strange goings-on weren’t permanently burned into my brain is beyond me.

Now, it would be wrong for me to go to town on all of the women in the video who thoroughly enjoyed their semi-naked cuddles with farm animals in order to promote a video that was widely speculated to contain ‘rape overtones’. Feminism is about giving women rights. If these women wanted to exercise their right to take their tops off, wear uncomfortable footwear and have a remote controlled car cruise over their toned backsides- yes that happened- who am I to slag that off? So, I can see Emily’s point from spaghetti-gate; she enjoys tasting, but not eating pasta and if she wants to do it in her underwear, why can’t she? Her quote underneath her Instagram post read ‘Personal choice is the core ideal in my concept of feminism. I’m tired of having to consider how I might be perceived by men if I post a sexy Instagram. I want to do what I want to do. Feminism isn’t about adjusting, it’s about freedom and choice.’

But what has her video done for feminism? In my opinion, absolutely bugger all. There’s nobody on God’s green earth going to tell me that she had a whale of a time on that table. Surely, like the rest of us, she’d have preferred to get herself a family-sized bag of Minstrels and eat them all to herself whilst watching her favourite Netflix series instead? Not that I avidly follow Emily’s career, but it doesn’t appear that she’s done much since Blurred Lines, and so I can only assume that she released the borderline pornographic pasta video because she knows that sex sells. And who does it sell to, more often than not? Men. The woman is a walking contradiction. She knows exactly how her sexy Instagram videos will be perceived by men, she’s built a career out of her looks and figure. A quick Google Images search of her name throws up hundreds of photographs, and I couldn’t see her in anything more than a bikini on the first page. Maybe I’m cynical, or more than likely bitter after too many Minsterals, but is this woman unable to make a point fully clothed?

Women do many things in the name of feminism. It’s to feel empowered and balance the scales of equality just that little bit more. Examples of this would be advancing their careers in male-dominated industries, becoming more prominent in politics and campaigning for the Pro-Choice movement. Getting your tits out, not so much. The notorious and thankfully now extinct Page Three proved this. Adding a ‘News In Briefs’ [insert eyeroll here] section to their full page of topless women apparently made the whole thing more acceptable, because, before that, it was just degrading to think that these women weren’t intelligent as well as pretty. That would’ve been all well and good if these women had actually written it themselves. Call me sceptical, but I’m not sure that I believe Courtnie, 21 from Plymouth directly quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson regarding George Osbourne’s budget cuts. Apologies if I’m wrong, Courtnie. Even if you did write this, what has it got to do with you posing half-naked in a sexually suggestive way? Pictures and captions are supposed to match, something I would’ve expected a genius such as yourself to know.

Let’s be honest, Page Three was the brainchild of The Sun, who knew men up and down the country didn’t give two hoots about their exaggerated stories and Tory-pushing agenda, and would rather ogle at breasts over their mid-morning brew at work. Emily Ratajkowski did not release her recent video in the name of feminism, she did it for controversy and to further her career. Blurred Lines, although a catchy tune that I will continue to rap along to, is essentially highly offensive. I’m not going to get my knickers in a twist about any of the above, everyone is free to do whatever they like, but let’s call a spade a spade instead of pretending it’s something it isn’t.

Watching a half-naked woman writhing around on a table full of spaghetti, I asked myself: could the news get any weirder? In case you hadn’t heard, Emily Ratajkowski thrust herself into the internet spotlight for her recent carb-tastic display, apparently under the impression she was flying the flag for feminists everywhere. I watched the bizarre scene slightly open-mouthed and two thoughts presented themselves in quick succession: ‘a stomach that toned has never been stuffed with pasta’ and ‘how does this promote feminism?’ Eventually, I got round to looking at Emily’s face, after lusting over the calorific feast she was sat on, only to discover that I vaguely recognised her.

I’ll address my first thought before we move on to Emily’s claim to fame. Not once did I see her chew or swallow a single strand of that spaghetti. She occasionally sucked it into her mouth in a suggestive manner, but that was clearly as far as she was willing to go on her ‘carb overload day.’ Whatever your opinions are on this woman, we must all agree that she has phenomenal willpower. There was at least one extra-large bag of pasta on that table and she didn’t even eat one tiny piece! Mid-way through the video, I was struck by another horror. She spilt her wine, and it looked to me to be a non-accidental spill at that. For someone so liberal about getting her kit off and making a tit of herself, she’s uptight when it comes to her diet.

Without going too far off on a tangent by analysing a model’s eating habits (what did I expect? I’m just judging her by my own willpower, which would’ve seen me gorging on that gigantic bag of pasta), I will get back to the main point: feminism. So where did I recognise this self-proclaimed feminist from? The Blurred Lines video, of course! I say this with a little shame, I sang my heart out to that song; the rapping about smacking asses and much, much worse. Open-minded Emily pranced around Robin Thicke in her nude underwear and platform trainers while her mate pretended to play the banjo (not a euphemism). Why they all had to be completely naked from the waist up is still a mystery, especially as one unfortunate soul was holding on to a lamb at the time. I would like to add here that I did re-watch the video to recall this information, although how all these strange goings-on weren’t permanently burned into my brain is beyond me.

Now, it would be wrong for me to go to town on all of the women in the video who thoroughly enjoyed their semi-naked cuddles with farm animals in order to promote a video that was widely speculated to contain ‘rape overtones’. Feminism is about giving women rights. If these women wanted to exercise their right to take their tops off, wear uncomfortable footwear and have a remote controlled car cruise over their toned backsides- yes that happened- who am I to slag that off? So, I can see Emily’s point from spaghetti-gate; she enjoys tasting, but not eating pasta and if she wants to do it in her underwear, why can’t she? Her quote underneath her Instagram post read ‘Personal choice is the core ideal in my concept of feminism. I’m tired of having to consider how I might be perceived by men if I post a sexy Instagram. I want to do what I want to do. Feminism isn’t about adjusting, it’s about freedom and choice.’

But what has her video done for feminism? In my opinion, absolutely bugger all. There’s nobody on God’s green earth going to tell me that she had a whale of a time on that table. Surely, like the rest of us, she’d have preferred to get herself a family-sized bag of Minstrels and eat them all to herself whilst watching her favourite Netflix series instead? Not that I avidly follow Emily’s career, but it doesn’t appear that she’s done much since Blurred Lines, and so I can only assume that she released the borderline pornographic pasta video because she knows that sex sells. And who does it sell to, more often than not? Men. The woman is a walking contradiction. She knows exactly how her sexy Instagram videos will be perceived by men, she’s built a career out of her looks and figure. A quick Google Images search of her name throws up hundreds of photographs, and I couldn’t see her in anything more than a bikini on the first page. Maybe I’m cynical, or more than likely bitter after too many Minsterals, but is this woman unable to make a point fully clothed?

Women do many things in the name of feminism. It’s to feel empowered and balance the scales of equality just that little bit more. Examples of this would be advancing their careers in male-dominated industries, becoming more prominent in politics and campaigning for the Pro-Choice movement. Getting your tits out, not so much. The notorious and thankfully now extinct Page Three proved this. Adding a ‘News In Briefs’ [insert eyeroll here] section to their full page of topless women apparently made the whole thing more acceptable, because, before that, it was just degrading to think that these women weren’t intelligent as well as pretty. That would’ve been all well and good if these women had actually written it themselves. Call me sceptical, but I’m not sure that I believe Courtnie, 21 from Plymouth directly quoted Ralph Waldo Emerson regarding George Osbourne’s budget cuts. Apologies if I’m wrong, Courtnie. Even if you did write this, what has it got to do with you posing half-naked in a sexually suggestive way? Pictures and captions are supposed to match, something I would’ve expected a genius such as yourself to know.

Let’s be honest, Page Three was the brainchild of The Sun, who knew men up and down the country didn’t give two hoots about their exaggerated stories and Tory-pushing agenda, and would rather ogle at breasts over their mid-morning brew at work. Emily Ratajkowski did not release her recent video in the name of feminism, she did it for controversy and to further her career. Blurred Lines, although a catchy tune that I will continue to rap along to, is essentially highly offensive. I’m not going to get my knickers in a twist about any of the above, everyone is free to do whatever they like, but let’s call a spade a spade instead of pretending it’s something it isn’t.

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